By Samantha Shamim (Mental Health Advocate, Contributor at JWGTherapy@gmail.com)
Have you heard this before?
“Stop crying like a girl.”
“Man up.”
“He screams like a girl.”
“He’s the girl in the relationship.”
“She’s mad and emotional--she must be on her period.”
Phrases like these are destructive to society. Not only are they offensive toward demeaning the validity of someone’s feelings, but they also promote constructions of gender hierarchies and expectations that restrict people’s freedom of emotional and mental expression; ultimately, these phrases are extremely detrimental to the mental health of both females and males.
Much, if not all, of gender norms that dictate how females and males are supposed to express their emotions and feelings are socially constructed and extremely limiting toward quality of life and respect for both genders, and they vary across cultures. For instance, while in the United States it is uncommon or even unusual to citizens to see two adult male friends or two adult female friends holding hands while walking in the streets, it is normal in a country like Bangladesh.
In the United States, it is the bride that is expected to cry at weddings and over a break-up of her heterosexual romantic relationship, while it is the groom who is expected to be less emotional by not crying, as if crying is a feminine quality as dictated by society. It is the female characters who shed tears in movies while the male characters only display a pained, tearless face.
It is women who are portrayed as being predominantly emotional, while men are portrayed as being predominantly rational. Regarding the expression of emotions, while United States American society deems it more acceptable for women to display their feelings than they do for men, there are still negative connotations associated with weakness toward femininity. Dangerously, masculinity is defined by the limited expression of vulnerability, with the false concept that vulnerability is an indicator of weakness that “strong” men do not exhibit.
Emotions, feelings, vulnerability--these are elements that make people, both women, men, and other gender identities, all human. Humanity is what connects people, what makes life beautiful. Why, then, are these ingredients of a person looked down upon and linked to shame and seen as causes of embarrassment? Why aren’t they revered for the sources of the beauty of life that they are?
Why is humanity looked down upon?
This kind of culture of humanity shaming is dangerous for both genders.
It encourages men to disguise their struggles with the fear of looking too “feminine.” As if being feminine is weak, inferior to being masculine. Being feminine is not only regarded as an insult, but it is ultimately as if having feelings, sources of vulnerability--being human, are shameful. Men isolate themselves as they hide their pain as they are taught to be ashamed of their humanity. And this shame is sourced from the inferiorizing and degradation of women.
This must change.
Mental health is not a women’s issue, or a men’s issue--it is a human issue. Society must stop dividing women and men in terms of one being strong and weak, with regards to considering the having and display of emotions as being weak. Rationality and emotion are not mutually exclusive--they are two different elements compounded into what makes us all human.
If you or someone you care about are struggling with mental wellness, Jackson Wellness Group provides services to specifically treat mental health issues. They focus on improving your wellness, and in turn, on improving your mental health.
Jackson Wellness Group (JWGTherapy.com) provides mental health services for youth, adults, individuals and groups. We provide in-person and online confidential sessions which seek to promote long term wellness. Schedule a session now!